Made in China?

So.... on Twitter I say some very RANDOM things and ask questions that I really want to know the answers to. So today I asked:

"Does it mean that a woman does not love herself if she cannot go without weave?"

Very bold yet very heartfelt question. I really wanted to know what people thought about that statement. I didn't say that is how I felt... I truly wanted to know if the statement had any validity to it. Boy, did I open up a floodgate of feed back.

And one of my followers replies back, and I took it as... how shall I say... ummm.. Yeh, passionately. I respect her opinions but the opinions didn't add up to me. Not to say they weren't valid from her standpoint... it just made me question things even further. (Note: My use of Natural from here on out means w/o extensions ONLY. Meaning you can have an Afro and be natural or have a perm and rock your natural length)

But before I go any further, I would like for everyone to understand how I phrase things... they may come off as being a smart ass or saying that what the person said is wrong.... WRONG!!! I am merely giving my responses to what was said, and my opinion. The follower is a very intelligent person and makes points based on her opinion as I will do below. I DO NOT WANT ANY MESS RISING FROM THIS!!!! I take life, and I respond... below you will see my responses to what was said to me. I value what was said, it made me think, and so I believe in friendly discussion. No hard feeling were taken, and I pray none are created.....back to your regularly scheduled reading.....

First she replied:

"WHOA WAIT WAIT WAIT ....wearing a weave doesnt mean I don't love myself....HOLD UP..."

I don't think that I made the question personal...did I? I thought that I asked DOES it mean that or could the fact that a woman cant live without her weave have a deeper root behind it or even be taken so far out of context that it needed clarification to be something as simple as a preference. That's all.

To which she replied:

"...thats the same thing: if I wear weave, I dont love myself = if I cant go w/o wearing one it means that I dont love myself"

Again, I was ASKING, not making it personal nor stating it as fact. I wanted to know honestly. It isn't the same thing either. To wear weave has its purposes; are you in a fashion show, to you have a medical situation where you no longer have hair, are you supporting a business, or do you wish to rock a certain look without damaging your own hair. That is what the first part of her equation equates to in my mind. The second part....to me, morphed my question. By asking does it mean that was meant to spark feedback, but based on my explanation above... it depends on WHY you chose to wear a weave in the first place that would carry the weight of why you cant and/or feel that you cant go without one. Which in all situations, there is a woman who has pulled through and decided that she could be her minus the weave... which is the basis to my question. Why are women so dependent upon it, self included, that we often times feel that we cant sport our hair w/o extensions and what does it mean when we cant part from the overseas addiction.

The replies kept coming:

"how is weave bad but perm isn't? I wear weave, I don't get perms. I don't understand what the weave issue is...explain"

And coming:

"that's like a white dude saying "is it true that all black woman are ugly?""

I explained that , to some, perms are for manageable hair. To take what length or texture they have of their natural hair and to make it more manageable in their personal sight. But to add weave means that you are adding something foreign (not that lye isn't) to your hair and trying to pass the length of it off as your own. Are either deceptions right....nope... but adding length to make it appear to be longer than what it is .....is a change that is based purely on vanity. Perms are based on vanity as well, but mainly manageability. Extensions are purely vanity. Whether you are not comfortable with your own length, want a new style, or are the victim of a disease.... it all circles around a form of vanity. I've seen women, self included decide to rock their own hair, not worry any longer about the latest trends, and cancer patients drop wigs and rock the most beautiful and proud bald heads I have ever seen in my life, which takes a ton of confidence not usually displayed in our society.... so again my question stands... what does it mean if a woman cant let weave go? And no, it isn't the same as a white dude saying the comment above. He would be an outsider in gender and in race making a generalized comment on features that a culture had no hand in creating. Women do have a hand in presenting themselves to the world. Whether it be the full bare and exposed them, or the decorated/masked version (because that is what it is... a dressed up version of who they are w/o it)....they had a choice in the matter. So what is the big deal about putting it down? Why cant we as women wake up one morning and say... no more weave?

I could pick anything... no makeup, hair spray, clothes, bras (that happened already in the 60s right? lmao) etc. I just happened to pick this topic today.

She replied:

"it means they care enough about their appearance to not let go of weave. just like I wouldnt leave the house w/out deodorant"

P.S. Some places don't wear deodorant and yet they too care about their appearances... cultural viewpoint there...and I guess same is true with weaves.

I have yet to reply back to her... and wont b/c I ended the conversation b/c I felt I was reading her responses wrong. .... but I really wanted to say this. Well, rather ask this. "So, are you saying that in order to care about one's appearance you must borrow extensions in order to add to yourself?" If that is the case...wouldn't that almost imply that what is your God-given appearance is not acceptable? Wouldn't that imply that you wouldn't be able to reach over in your vanity drawer and pull out combs and brushes that would make what you naturally/truly/realistically have beautiful enough for you to care about enough to make it a representation of your appearance? Wouldn't this imply that weaves are in existence for vanity purposes b/c after all... they care enough about their appearances? And if following her line of logic from earlier... is this almost implying that b/c she cares enough about her appearance that she cannot let it go then it =she doesn't think that her natural/realistic appearance is good enough = she doesn't necessarily believe in herself enough to rock her natural/realistic appearance? A stretch, I know, but if who you naturally/realistically are isn't goo enough to rock it as a representation of your appearance, so much so that you need assistance that you cant let go......is that really self love? I could have taken it being a choice... but not b/c she cares about her appearance. Because I am sure that there are tons of women who do NOT have weave in their heads who care very much about their appearance every single day, but they chose NOT to have weave. P.S. Some places don't wear deodorant and yet they too care about their appearances... cultural viewpoint there...and I guess same is true with weaves.

Having been a girl with a perm that took my hair out and I cant grow it back in places...to the girl who, up until last Thursday (a week ago today) had extension braids in my hair.... I understand both sides of it. But on Thursday, I woke up and I literally heard a voice and got the vibe that I was tired of hiding. I know this is my personal choice... but I was tired of redoing my braids, wearing weaves and wigs just so I could feel beautiful. I cared more about MYSELF that day than my appearance that I took each micro braid out of my head and cut all of my hair off into a small Afro. I was ready to face the world as me. Not an imitation, not a faux replica, and not even a doll house/store front version of myself.... but me. HERE I AM. I am weave free. BY CHOICE.

I no longer felt like a cigarette smoker that vowed that I could quit whenever I wanted and never did. Or, like my other battle, the plus size girl who said that I loved myself but shoved food down my throat that led to diabetes,heart attacks and cholesterol that could kill a cow. This is my personal testament. I put my money where my hair was and I asked myself.... do you believe that you are beautiful enough to rock it day in and day out with just yourself. And I said yes.

Scariest thing I have ever had to do was walk in my office building with my tiny fro, when the guards are use to me with longer hair(s). I walk with my head down sometimes and have to remember to pick it back up. But it has only been a week. I am sure I will get better. I think that the real testament will be my cousin Sean's wedding on Oct 16th. I could wear a weave...but after writing this... I think I will stick to being me. I will have to figure out what I want to have done to my hair to make it look nice at it's own length.......I'm tired of hiding.

This blog was not to pass judgement, nor to bash the beliefs of the person who follows me... never that. I send her the utmost respect. it sparked me to think, which seldom people can do so she gets kudos and kisses from me. I don't care if people wear weaves, have perms, or rock makeup... I did it up until a week ago... so I cant say much else. But I am allowed to question the world. To get a conversation going and to spark thought. I'm learning to be proud of me...day by day... the pure me... the natural me.Besides... I'm black.... a descendant of Africa... what sense does it make for my hair to be made in China? lol. Just a question, people, nothing more..... don't take it personal.

To the follower: Thanks for challenging me. I honestly mean that. You are a bright individual...that's why I keep you around...lol. BUT WATCH YOUR TONE WOMAN!! lol. Just kidding. I really do hope that you don't take offense to this if you read it. Offense is not my approach...I just had to get my opinions out and this was the safest place for me to do it. This is merely friendly discussion as I said above......Love ya!

Sincerely,

Made in My Skin (Arch Nemesis)