Ending a "THING"

A New Start:

So... yeh. I was in this... this... SHIT what in the world to call this damn.....ummmm... WHAT IS YOUR NAME!!!!!? Ummm hell, fuck it, this "thing". Most would call it a relationship but two intelligent negroes get together and call it everything but. You know... "your good goods belong to me and only me but you are not my man and I am not your girlfriend" kind of "thing". Yeh.

So, for those who know me know that I have a condition... long story dont ask. But in short... I cant, yet can somehow, be blamed for things that occur in my subconscious. Well, he was smart enough tot come to my house and to sign into his Facebook account on my computer, and not sign off before handing it back over to me. I apparently read an email that he sent to a female in Florida.... we live in MD... about how he was thinking of her and how he wishes that he were down there to take her out. Mind you this is only days after he and I slept together...and less than a week before he tells me that he wants to be exclusive. [Sidebar] I will never understand how someone can be with two people and then decide in such a short time that he wants to be with one and think that I am to believe that your feelings are genuine.[end Sidebar].

So I tell on myself, letting him know that I found the email. He gets made, screams about his privacy being violated. He needs his space and yadda yadda yadda. In the time it took for him to need his space... I discovered that I needed mine too. Cant start another "THING" with someone and this is already losing trust on both sides. Literally a week and a half goes by w/o speaking until he finally comes back with him wanting to have another chance with me. I tentatively agree.

I dont know why I did. I already knew that in my mind I would not trust shit that would come out of his mouth. I would resent every action he would ever do if it werent towards me. This....was where this was headed and I knew it. But something in me just wanted someone to kick it with. So... the faux attempt started. We swore we would start from scratch, not where we left off. That lasted all about a night of Ethiopian food and ,unbeknown to him, farewell sex. I had to get it out of my system. The next day just topped the fucking cake!

So we had a performance. As we were getting out of the car, I turned back in to get my business cards out of the console. While I was bent over, he thought it would be funny, on a public street in front of the place where we would be performing... hell AT ALL, to jump behind me and start humping on me. WHO DOES STUPID SHIT LIKE THAT?! I was embarrassed! I felt he was immature. I played along for the rest of the night. Put up with him humping my leg while I talked to him... but in my mind... I was through.

My lesson: Learn to love yourself first....before you get involved with anyone else.

And this could be from me doing a lil further research and learning some things.... but I doubt it. God placed them there for me to see. I opened myself now to begin doing what God wants me to do... .trust, He's still working on my cussing.... but I just didnt see this guy in it. I lowered my standards b/c I thought that I should try someone who I wouldnt normally try, but the hell with that idea ever again. I cant do it. I have to work on me, where I am headed and what is appropriate in God's eyesight, not mine. So this is a new start. It is going to be time for me to improve on myself now and not settle or worry about being in a THING..... when God is ready... I will be in a relationship where the other person claims me out right and is faithful. I cant wait for that day to get here either. I dont deserve to have cause to not trust the person I am with... this is the final straw. 2009 is the year of manifestation... so I am manifesting that I will from this day forward walk in the footsteps of God to the best of my ability and to ask God to be patient with me in the places that my ability does not extend. I ask... God... what can I do for you....and whatever you decide to bless me with.. I gladly accept. I thank you.

Yep.... glad I got that out of my system. I'm officially done. Sucks that I told him I dont want to be exclusive over a text..... but he will get over it. Hell for all I know he could already be with some chick on the side... it doesnt surprise me in the least if he has. Just proof that he wasnt who I thought he was and he and I werent all that compatible. I'll be cordial when I see him around... no hard feelings.... the situation was just jacked. Well... enough writing for now.

~Sincerely,

Arch Nemesis