Made in China?

So.... on Twitter I say some very RANDOM things and ask questions that I really want to know the answers to. So today I asked:

"Does it mean that a woman does not love herself if she cannot go without weave?"

Very bold yet very heartfelt question. I really wanted to know what people thought about that statement. I didn't say that is how I felt... I truly wanted to know if the statement had any validity to it. Boy, did I open up a floodgate of feed back.

And one of my followers replies back, and I took it as... how shall I say... ummm.. Yeh, passionately. I respect her opinions but the opinions didn't add up to me. Not to say they weren't valid from her standpoint... it just made me question things even further. (Note: My use of Natural from here on out means w/o extensions ONLY. Meaning you can have an Afro and be natural or have a perm and rock your natural length)

But before I go any further, I would like for everyone to understand how I phrase things... they may come off as being a smart ass or saying that what the person said is wrong.... WRONG!!! I am merely giving my responses to what was said, and my opinion. The follower is a very intelligent person and makes points based on her opinion as I will do below. I DO NOT WANT ANY MESS RISING FROM THIS!!!! I take life, and I respond... below you will see my responses to what was said to me. I value what was said, it made me think, and so I believe in friendly discussion. No hard feeling were taken, and I pray none are created.....back to your regularly scheduled reading.....

First she replied:

"WHOA WAIT WAIT WAIT ....wearing a weave doesnt mean I don't love myself....HOLD UP..."

I don't think that I made the question personal...did I? I thought that I asked DOES it mean that or could the fact that a woman cant live without her weave have a deeper root behind it or even be taken so far out of context that it needed clarification to be something as simple as a preference. That's all.

To which she replied:

"...thats the same thing: if I wear weave, I dont love myself = if I cant go w/o wearing one it means that I dont love myself"

Again, I was ASKING, not making it personal nor stating it as fact. I wanted to know honestly. It isn't the same thing either. To wear weave has its purposes; are you in a fashion show, to you have a medical situation where you no longer have hair, are you supporting a business, or do you wish to rock a certain look without damaging your own hair. That is what the first part of her equation equates to in my mind. The second part....to me, morphed my question. By asking does it mean that was meant to spark feedback, but based on my explanation above... it depends on WHY you chose to wear a weave in the first place that would carry the weight of why you cant and/or feel that you cant go without one. Which in all situations, there is a woman who has pulled through and decided that she could be her minus the weave... which is the basis to my question. Why are women so dependent upon it, self included, that we often times feel that we cant sport our hair w/o extensions and what does it mean when we cant part from the overseas addiction.

The replies kept coming:

"how is weave bad but perm isn't? I wear weave, I don't get perms. I don't understand what the weave issue is...explain"

And coming:

"that's like a white dude saying "is it true that all black woman are ugly?""

I explained that , to some, perms are for manageable hair. To take what length or texture they have of their natural hair and to make it more manageable in their personal sight. But to add weave means that you are adding something foreign (not that lye isn't) to your hair and trying to pass the length of it off as your own. Are either deceptions right....nope... but adding length to make it appear to be longer than what it is .....is a change that is based purely on vanity. Perms are based on vanity as well, but mainly manageability. Extensions are purely vanity. Whether you are not comfortable with your own length, want a new style, or are the victim of a disease.... it all circles around a form of vanity. I've seen women, self included decide to rock their own hair, not worry any longer about the latest trends, and cancer patients drop wigs and rock the most beautiful and proud bald heads I have ever seen in my life, which takes a ton of confidence not usually displayed in our society.... so again my question stands... what does it mean if a woman cant let weave go? And no, it isn't the same as a white dude saying the comment above. He would be an outsider in gender and in race making a generalized comment on features that a culture had no hand in creating. Women do have a hand in presenting themselves to the world. Whether it be the full bare and exposed them, or the decorated/masked version (because that is what it is... a dressed up version of who they are w/o it)....they had a choice in the matter. So what is the big deal about putting it down? Why cant we as women wake up one morning and say... no more weave?

I could pick anything... no makeup, hair spray, clothes, bras (that happened already in the 60s right? lmao) etc. I just happened to pick this topic today.

She replied:

"it means they care enough about their appearance to not let go of weave. just like I wouldnt leave the house w/out deodorant"

P.S. Some places don't wear deodorant and yet they too care about their appearances... cultural viewpoint there...and I guess same is true with weaves.

I have yet to reply back to her... and wont b/c I ended the conversation b/c I felt I was reading her responses wrong. .... but I really wanted to say this. Well, rather ask this. "So, are you saying that in order to care about one's appearance you must borrow extensions in order to add to yourself?" If that is the case...wouldn't that almost imply that what is your God-given appearance is not acceptable? Wouldn't that imply that you wouldn't be able to reach over in your vanity drawer and pull out combs and brushes that would make what you naturally/truly/realistically have beautiful enough for you to care about enough to make it a representation of your appearance? Wouldn't this imply that weaves are in existence for vanity purposes b/c after all... they care enough about their appearances? And if following her line of logic from earlier... is this almost implying that b/c she cares enough about her appearance that she cannot let it go then it =she doesn't think that her natural/realistic appearance is good enough = she doesn't necessarily believe in herself enough to rock her natural/realistic appearance? A stretch, I know, but if who you naturally/realistically are isn't goo enough to rock it as a representation of your appearance, so much so that you need assistance that you cant let go......is that really self love? I could have taken it being a choice... but not b/c she cares about her appearance. Because I am sure that there are tons of women who do NOT have weave in their heads who care very much about their appearance every single day, but they chose NOT to have weave. P.S. Some places don't wear deodorant and yet they too care about their appearances... cultural viewpoint there...and I guess same is true with weaves.

Having been a girl with a perm that took my hair out and I cant grow it back in places...to the girl who, up until last Thursday (a week ago today) had extension braids in my hair.... I understand both sides of it. But on Thursday, I woke up and I literally heard a voice and got the vibe that I was tired of hiding. I know this is my personal choice... but I was tired of redoing my braids, wearing weaves and wigs just so I could feel beautiful. I cared more about MYSELF that day than my appearance that I took each micro braid out of my head and cut all of my hair off into a small Afro. I was ready to face the world as me. Not an imitation, not a faux replica, and not even a doll house/store front version of myself.... but me. HERE I AM. I am weave free. BY CHOICE.

I no longer felt like a cigarette smoker that vowed that I could quit whenever I wanted and never did. Or, like my other battle, the plus size girl who said that I loved myself but shoved food down my throat that led to diabetes,heart attacks and cholesterol that could kill a cow. This is my personal testament. I put my money where my hair was and I asked myself.... do you believe that you are beautiful enough to rock it day in and day out with just yourself. And I said yes.

Scariest thing I have ever had to do was walk in my office building with my tiny fro, when the guards are use to me with longer hair(s). I walk with my head down sometimes and have to remember to pick it back up. But it has only been a week. I am sure I will get better. I think that the real testament will be my cousin Sean's wedding on Oct 16th. I could wear a weave...but after writing this... I think I will stick to being me. I will have to figure out what I want to have done to my hair to make it look nice at it's own length.......I'm tired of hiding.

This blog was not to pass judgement, nor to bash the beliefs of the person who follows me... never that. I send her the utmost respect. it sparked me to think, which seldom people can do so she gets kudos and kisses from me. I don't care if people wear weaves, have perms, or rock makeup... I did it up until a week ago... so I cant say much else. But I am allowed to question the world. To get a conversation going and to spark thought. I'm learning to be proud of me...day by day... the pure me... the natural me.Besides... I'm black.... a descendant of Africa... what sense does it make for my hair to be made in China? lol. Just a question, people, nothing more..... don't take it personal.

To the follower: Thanks for challenging me. I honestly mean that. You are a bright individual...that's why I keep you around...lol. BUT WATCH YOUR TONE WOMAN!! lol. Just kidding. I really do hope that you don't take offense to this if you read it. Offense is not my approach...I just had to get my opinions out and this was the safest place for me to do it. This is merely friendly discussion as I said above......Love ya!

Sincerely,

Made in My Skin (Arch Nemesis)

Ending a "THING"

A New Start:

So... yeh. I was in this... this... SHIT what in the world to call this damn.....ummmm... WHAT IS YOUR NAME!!!!!? Ummm hell, fuck it, this "thing". Most would call it a relationship but two intelligent negroes get together and call it everything but. You know... "your good goods belong to me and only me but you are not my man and I am not your girlfriend" kind of "thing". Yeh.

So, for those who know me know that I have a condition... long story dont ask. But in short... I cant, yet can somehow, be blamed for things that occur in my subconscious. Well, he was smart enough tot come to my house and to sign into his Facebook account on my computer, and not sign off before handing it back over to me. I apparently read an email that he sent to a female in Florida.... we live in MD... about how he was thinking of her and how he wishes that he were down there to take her out. Mind you this is only days after he and I slept together...and less than a week before he tells me that he wants to be exclusive. [Sidebar] I will never understand how someone can be with two people and then decide in such a short time that he wants to be with one and think that I am to believe that your feelings are genuine.[end Sidebar].

So I tell on myself, letting him know that I found the email. He gets made, screams about his privacy being violated. He needs his space and yadda yadda yadda. In the time it took for him to need his space... I discovered that I needed mine too. Cant start another "THING" with someone and this is already losing trust on both sides. Literally a week and a half goes by w/o speaking until he finally comes back with him wanting to have another chance with me. I tentatively agree.

I dont know why I did. I already knew that in my mind I would not trust shit that would come out of his mouth. I would resent every action he would ever do if it werent towards me. This....was where this was headed and I knew it. But something in me just wanted someone to kick it with. So... the faux attempt started. We swore we would start from scratch, not where we left off. That lasted all about a night of Ethiopian food and ,unbeknown to him, farewell sex. I had to get it out of my system. The next day just topped the fucking cake!

So we had a performance. As we were getting out of the car, I turned back in to get my business cards out of the console. While I was bent over, he thought it would be funny, on a public street in front of the place where we would be performing... hell AT ALL, to jump behind me and start humping on me. WHO DOES STUPID SHIT LIKE THAT?! I was embarrassed! I felt he was immature. I played along for the rest of the night. Put up with him humping my leg while I talked to him... but in my mind... I was through.

My lesson: Learn to love yourself first....before you get involved with anyone else.

And this could be from me doing a lil further research and learning some things.... but I doubt it. God placed them there for me to see. I opened myself now to begin doing what God wants me to do... .trust, He's still working on my cussing.... but I just didnt see this guy in it. I lowered my standards b/c I thought that I should try someone who I wouldnt normally try, but the hell with that idea ever again. I cant do it. I have to work on me, where I am headed and what is appropriate in God's eyesight, not mine. So this is a new start. It is going to be time for me to improve on myself now and not settle or worry about being in a THING..... when God is ready... I will be in a relationship where the other person claims me out right and is faithful. I cant wait for that day to get here either. I dont deserve to have cause to not trust the person I am with... this is the final straw. 2009 is the year of manifestation... so I am manifesting that I will from this day forward walk in the footsteps of God to the best of my ability and to ask God to be patient with me in the places that my ability does not extend. I ask... God... what can I do for you....and whatever you decide to bless me with.. I gladly accept. I thank you.

Yep.... glad I got that out of my system. I'm officially done. Sucks that I told him I dont want to be exclusive over a text..... but he will get over it. Hell for all I know he could already be with some chick on the side... it doesnt surprise me in the least if he has. Just proof that he wasnt who I thought he was and he and I werent all that compatible. I'll be cordial when I see him around... no hard feelings.... the situation was just jacked. Well... enough writing for now.

~Sincerely,

Arch Nemesis

I Wrote: A Poem

I Wrote
by: Arch Nemesis
© 2009


If tears were ink
To an outsider
My face would appear tatted
And my pillow ruined
But what they don’t know
Is that
I’m writing you a poem in saline
Those were the words I typed him
Typed him
Before
Before
Before I came to my mother lovin senses!
Consensus, please
Why is it that I have to wait
For you to decide if
You want to be with me
Honey see
You knew I was crazy before you met me
Saw ass
Got tail
Now want to play friend
Well honey I don’t sleep with my friends
And you know more of me than I of you
True
But boo
You’re buggin over an email
She mailed you
To which you replied
Didn’t deny
Yes I read
What you said
Told on myself and let you know

Now you automatically go into emotional limbo
When I have the right to place judgment
On your lack of tact to leave it open
On my laptop
And you wouldn’t be concerned with not trusting me
If I didn’t see what you wrote
Which could have me not trusting you
But you flipped script
Got me stressing out over this bullshit
That you got busted in
Thinking that I cant tell that
The only thing stopping you from not being my lover
Is you wondering if benefits come w/ being friends
No
My final answer is
You will only be my friend
You’ll be first hand witness to what you could have had
Nothing worse than tasting perfection
Then watching someone else add too much salt to your plate
I will not continue to feel sorry for what I apologized for
Cant help who I am and you blame me for it
Say you forgive me
To remain distant
Forgiveness is active
Not passive
And this passive aggressive shit is annoying
Thank you for your honesty
But honestly
You talked enough for me to listen
To the bullshit that you tried to convince me as truth
Loved how your parents loved w/o pinpointing reason
Then cant be w/ me after an apology
B/c you’ve got to take time to think things through
Well you thought it through
This is the end
You needed space to think
Which gave me space to see that
You may not be the one for me
You don’t get to decide my fate
Can’t see through my crazy tirades
Temporary blackouts
Couldn’t turn them into kinky trysts and voyeur adventures
Tried to make sense out of purposeful senselessness
While I held who you were
And who you had become
Grew curious as to where I fit in
Never judged
Just dove in and said let time define the space
B/c my understanding of you could be wrong
Me thinking things through
Can only take me to the limits of my experience
And maybe everything about you that annoyed the shit out of me
Was meant to make me grow past my insecurities
See past the previous bullshit issued to me
Or maybe showing affection to you was enough to make me smile
Make me feel I was alive
B/c I have so much to give
But I wasn’t allowed to issue my opinion
You said it yourself
You’re capable of convincing people of things that aren’t true
You’ve done it for years
Well you convinced me that I was something you kind of
Chose to do
And could choose not to do
Like now
By leaving me to wonder was it all even worth it
So here I stand
With so much more to say dangling on my lips
Ready to spew secrets out of spite
But cant
Because I actually cared
And unlike you
I understood that people make mistakes
I forgive
Actively
Besides
Nothing is gonna hurt you more
Than knowing that you can only be my friend from here on out
Now these were the words I wrote
After I smiled at giving up on someone
Who couldn’t make up their mind about actively forgiving me.